[IT IS SO AWKWARD well. Lucas is actually not feeling very awkward at all, but he does feel discomforted to just be accidentally nosing his way into someone else's memories, as he always does any time he's the one watching someone else's life display across the glass.
It's kind of funny, because politics and war aren't really things he has to consider. Their nation is so isolated; no one's made contact in hundreds of years. Within the nation, there aren't any real power struggles. The Institute and the Royal Family coexist in a tenuous balance, and the Royal Family is so quiet that most people don't even remember the name of their own king. So the art of war is something he's only read about in books that drift ashore. The complex chessboard of international politics is something he's only heard about as a distant problem from distant lands.
But he can't really condemn what he can't fully comprehend, and even though the condemnation of an apparent church makes him feel a little uncertain, he's seen enough from others to know that the churches elsewhere aren't always great.
As the memory draws to an end and begins its loop, Lucas stares at the glass for a few seconds before looking back toward Claude. WELL. FIRST AND FOREMOST.]
Ah, I see... Then it must have already come to pass.
[They really shoved Faerghus off a cliff like Mufasa, damn.]
...I imagine it would be a difficult thing, having to weigh so many lives in your hands like that. [...] The ruling family of our nation doesn't care for its people, so I had never much considered the sacrifice that a good leader might have to make.
A good leader makes sacrifices that are necessary, because their job is to serve and protect their people.
But I think it's kind of impossible to be a good king and a good person at the same time. [ He shrugs. ] The people here have told me... how they don't think they belong here because of altercations outside of their control.
Sometimes I wonder what they'd think if they knew how many people died because of my orders.
Many people here are also much more capable of extending concern and understanding toward others than they are toward themselves.
[So many people literally immediately come to mind when he says that. Yves. Jiaoqiu. Siffrin. Taair. There are so many damn people here who would berate themselves for things they would easily see and forgive in others.]
...And I think that it's easily understood by now that you aren't the sort of person who delights in bloodshed and misery. That any decision you might make that causes either is made with a heavy heart.
[Claude is also so young to be dealing with this too but unfortunately Lucas does not think it's that unreasonable given his insane nation that's run by early 20 year olds and teens.]
[HE IS FAR FROM THE MOST DIFFICULT PERSON LUCAS HAS HAD TO DEAL WITH...
But he'll look back, and that little knit at his brow remains, even though it also remains basically invisible.]
I apologize if it came off as such. I don't mean to condescend; only to speak to the reactions you may find yourself with. [A beat.] Do you believe your actions to be something you must repent for?
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It's kind of funny, because politics and war aren't really things he has to consider. Their nation is so isolated; no one's made contact in hundreds of years. Within the nation, there aren't any real power struggles. The Institute and the Royal Family coexist in a tenuous balance, and the Royal Family is so quiet that most people don't even remember the name of their own king. So the art of war is something he's only read about in books that drift ashore. The complex chessboard of international politics is something he's only heard about as a distant problem from distant lands.
But he can't really condemn what he can't fully comprehend, and even though the condemnation of an apparent church makes him feel a little uncertain, he's seen enough from others to know that the churches elsewhere aren't always great.
As the memory draws to an end and begins its loop, Lucas stares at the glass for a few seconds before looking back toward Claude. WELL. FIRST AND FOREMOST.]
...I apologize for the intrusion.
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I don't think you really need to be apologizing to me.
[ After what happened last time. ]
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You seem like a private person, so I can't imagine it's pleasant for you... This week in general. [SO MANY THINGS JUST DIGGING INTO THE PAST.]
...It does-- seem very difficult, though. Having to make that level of decision.
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I am pretty private, but this is all public knowledge anyway. [ Well, public back home. ] And... it wasn't an easy decision.
But it became obvious to me that there was no scenario where we could survive without sacrificing something.
[ In this case, Faerghus. ]
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Ah, I see... Then it must have already come to pass.
[They really shoved Faerghus off a cliff like Mufasa, damn.]
...I imagine it would be a difficult thing, having to weigh so many lives in your hands like that. [...] The ruling family of our nation doesn't care for its people, so I had never much considered the sacrifice that a good leader might have to make.
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But I think it's kind of impossible to be a good king and a good person at the same time. [ He shrugs. ] The people here have told me... how they don't think they belong here because of altercations outside of their control.
Sometimes I wonder what they'd think if they knew how many people died because of my orders.
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[So many people literally immediately come to mind when he says that. Yves. Jiaoqiu. Siffrin. Taair. There are so many damn people here who would berate themselves for things they would easily see and forgive in others.]
...And I think that it's easily understood by now that you aren't the sort of person who delights in bloodshed and misery. That any decision you might make that causes either is made with a heavy heart.
[Claude is also so young to be dealing with this too but unfortunately Lucas does not think it's that unreasonable given his insane nation that's run by early 20 year olds and teens.]
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[ Looking at Lucas. ]
I don't really want to be reassured about my actions just because I might be likeable as a person.
[ SORRY HE'S SO DIFFICULT... ]
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But he'll look back, and that little knit at his brow remains, even though it also remains basically invisible.]
I apologize if it came off as such. I don't mean to condescend; only to speak to the reactions you may find yourself with. [A beat.] Do you believe your actions to be something you must repent for?
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He just replies back with, ] Do you think a life is something that can be repented for?
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His smile is soft and a little sad.]
That's a question for a god, I'm afraid.
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I don't think it is. I think it's just something you bear for the rest of your life.
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[You just live with the guilt FOREVER. Damn. Good thing he has never killed an innocent person before, shit sounds rough.]
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But this doesn't really feel like a normal death.
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