[ THINGS WERE SO INNOCENT... WHEN WE WERE PLUMBOBS...
Claude is no stranger to all sorts of political strife, and the how suffocating being a noble can be. Yet, this is still a new perspective, insight into the havoc of occupation. ]
it takes a long moment for taair to respond, looking at the reflection in the funhouse mirror, as if he's still staring out of that window in the leader's office. ]
...A few weeks ago. [ he says, eventually, dipping his head back down. there's a weight there - he usually carries it well, but it's present. ] I died not long after.
[ there's a soft huff, a humorless, lightless smile. when you return. ]
Return to my birdcage. [ once again. dying was freedom, almost - and now, redemption says you must return. live for country, but live for the papal states' version. not for yourself.
the reality of his life has been laid bare, so he speaks with honesty, folding his hands in his lap. ]
Things are dire, Claude. Iria is on the precipice of war with the Papal States once again. The Bishop has already attempted to have Princess Inanna assassinated, now that she knows she's alive again - it is only the relationship of the Judge she sent to assassinate her and the princess that kept it from happening.
And... the aristocrats clamor for the return of the "legitimate" king. It is a recipe for a perfectly manufactured revolt to return Iria back to the State of Iria - a vassal of the Papal States, with a puppet for a king.
[ with a little bit of a nod - trying to subjugate Iria. ] In fact, the Papal States even aided Iria in a war against the Union not all that long ago, effectively destroying the chance of receiving their aid. There are the Luccians, but they are a small force, and relatively isolated, and the common militia, which has been drastically weakened already after catastrophic losses at the Mine Pit, where many of them were based.
As it stands, Iria faces two choices: fall in line with the Papal States, or face another war, when they had only just begun to recover from the last.
[ medieval wars...are a bitch and a half.... he leans back a little, looking at the mirrors as they cycle through the early part of taair's memory again - the time in convallaria town, the warm sight of a place he misses dearly. ]
Miguel was right. It was selfish of me to think I could live any other life than the one my bloodline requires of me - and so, here I am. Seeking redemption to return.
I'm sorry. I know nobility is a prison as much as it is a privilege for many people. [ Man, he hates war. ] And there are never any easy choices.
I wish I had a magic spell that could tell me when the fight is worth it. I don't think you should resign yourself to the life of a puppet, but I can't tell you that dragging your people in a war is a better answer.
But I do know that you weren't being selfish... Or even if you were, what's wrong with that? Everyone deserves freedom.
[ taair's expression softens - despite all the heaviness of the moment, there's fondness, a little relief. ]
I thought you might understand. [ claude is not the only one who has seen this exact memory, and the reactions have mostly been the same. taair, forget about them. taair, you should obviously get away. taair, iria doesn't matter, you should choose yourself.
but claude comes from a similar background, in some ways. to be a ruler, to be a noble, is to be not a person but a figure for your nation, too. ]
I don't disagree - everyone does, you're right. Myself, and... the people of my country, too. Iria has only been independent for fifteen years. To have achieved freedom is an accomplishment, and now they sit on the brink of colonization, once again.
[ ... ]
In all honesty, my life itself is mostly worthless. I don't think my death likely even changed anything. [ spoilers: it did not! ] But... if I choose not to return, it is just running away.
Well, first, I don't agree with you. Personally, I think each life has worth and value inherently. You don't have to be someone or do something to have worth.
Wouldn't a lover of biographies like yourself find each story worthwhile, no matter how short or long? [ He lifts a brow, challenging. ]
But it's okay if your understanding is different than mine. Even then, do you think you haven't made a difference? Even in the short time you've been here, you helped heal, provided companionship, made me personally laugh.
[ there's a beat, because, it's not that he doesn't agree, necessarily, he thinks that people do have value, and that "doing something" is as small as picking up a piece of trash on the road as it is a grand revolution, but that's not the point, so he stops himself. listens to claude properly, closes his mouth. ]
... of course I do. [ a little shamed - of course he does, and he huffs, softly, looking down at the ground. it's just different, for him, obviously, though claude's point does land. taair looks over at him, a little hesitantly, a little scolded, and then eventually sighs, softly, and offers a rueful smile. ]
You've made your point. If I've made you laugh... [ a little lighter for himself, maybe for both of them - he curls a little inward on himself, but the smile's still there, still genuine. ] ...Forgive me. I think...there are many, many lessons I still must learn, and many things I still find myself trying to grasp hold of.
I think I am still learning how to exist as myself. Is that strange?
[ you say this after i wrote that giant tag in return PLEASE!!!! ]
One of those caveats of royalty, isn't it? [ that you are always something bigger than yourself. though, for taair - he also was just you know. in a tower. ]
Claude... you know, you've not yet told me much of your homeland. After all this time.
the thing about nobility, about royalty, is that in every sense - somehow, someway, you end up trapped. if you are someone who doesn't fit into that system one way or another, you will be crushed under its wheel. for taair, it was the life of a pretty little songbird, a pet kept in a golden cage. and for claude...
for claude, it's the otherness - the chip on his shoulder, to have a right to simply exist. if taair was locked up and sheltered to the point of ridiculousness, then claude was left a target. it's a cruelty beyond cruelties, and it clearly taught him some fight.
the memory keeps going, and going, and when claude's older brother raises the axe high, high over his head, taair can't even help himself - he throws an arm out and half puts himself in front of the claude in standing next to him like he could protect that tiny child from the awful cruelty of difference, his breath catching in a full, sharp gasp. ]
-- Oh. [ oh, after a moment, because it is a memory, not the current moment. the adrenaline that squeezes hard loosens, a tiny bit, and he turns his head away from the mirrors to look back at claude now kind of behind him, surprised and then, searching his face, it turns to a frown. ]
[ The memories of this week, each one dredging up something unpleasant, elicit an array of emotions out of Claude. But usually he doesn't let it show on his face. These are old scars, still unpleasant to witness, but moments that he's grown past.
He doesn't like Taair to see it, but he won't cry over it either, a reassurance that he grew up and go out on his tongue.
But he's struck in surprise when that hand shoots out, not having expected someone to try and protect him from a threat long gone.
He doesn't even know what to say. ]
It's... well, it's not alright. But I got out of there.
[ taair says with almost immediately in agreement, brows furrowing with an unusual amount of intensity, long lingering. claude was a child who had no say in where he was born or the place he was raised, and the amount of cruelty faced from adults and children alike makes even taair, gentle soul to his core, rankle a little. it's not all that surprising, is the worst thing. it's nobility. politics. prejudice. some things are always the same.
the memory starts again - and without even really thinking about it, he closes a hand around claude's good wrist and starts to pull him away from the walls, walking with a sense of determination to try and find the exit. does he actually know where he's going? probably not, but the last thing they need to do is stand in the wake of cruelty relived, over and over and over again.
... eventually, after they've walked a few paces, his voice softens. ]
... I'm glad that you got out. And... I know you will say that it doesn't matter, or that it made you stronger, but - even if it did, it shouldn't have happened to you at all.
[ They can walk out, and Claude is still a little caught off guard. He's not really used to being protected... What is he supposed to do?
He smiles a little. ]
I know. Trust me, I know. [ He does, but it's still sweet to hear it validated from others. That he didn't deserve that. That he should've received something better than what he did.
He'll free his hand so that he can settle it on Taair's shoulder, squeezing gently. ]
[ he glances backwards - taair's brows are still knit together as the hand comes to his shoulders, but he exhales when it does, finally letting loose some of that immediate, instinctive protectiveness as the light at the end of the funhouse mirrors blinks through, the daylight shining into the darkened maze. ]
... you are a very strong person, but... just like you'd never tolerate it, I hope you know that you need not always fight for yourself unaided anymore, either.
[ to learn to survive like that is an impressive feat. to not crack under the pressure of hateful stares and assassination attempts, cruelties or pain takes a tremendous amount of independence, strength, and likely a spiteful streak a mile wide. to live when others didn't want you to. to still want better, too - he has not forgotten their early talks of dreams, no matter how difficult they were to achieve. ]
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week 3, mon
a reflective surface shares a memory - of a plan, an assassination attempt, and a brutal reminder of reality. ]
no subject
Claude is no stranger to all sorts of political strife, and the how suffocating being a noble can be. Yet, this is still a new perspective, insight into the havoc of occupation. ]
Was that recent...?
no subject
it takes a long moment for taair to respond, looking at the reflection in the funhouse mirror, as if he's still staring out of that window in the leader's office. ]
...A few weeks ago. [ he says, eventually, dipping his head back down. there's a weight there - he usually carries it well, but it's present. ] I died not long after.
no subject
[ He's frowning, frustrated and thinking of solutions. ]
What will you do when you return?
no subject
Return to my birdcage. [ once again. dying was freedom, almost - and now, redemption says you must return. live for country, but live for the papal states' version. not for yourself.
the reality of his life has been laid bare, so he speaks with honesty, folding his hands in his lap. ]
Things are dire, Claude. Iria is on the precipice of war with the Papal States once again. The Bishop has already attempted to have Princess Inanna assassinated, now that she knows she's alive again - it is only the relationship of the Judge she sent to assassinate her and the princess that kept it from happening.
And... the aristocrats clamor for the return of the "legitimate" king. It is a recipe for a perfectly manufactured revolt to return Iria back to the State of Iria - a vassal of the Papal States, with a puppet for a king.
no subject
[ Man! ]
And you have no allies that you could call on, that wouldn't in turn try to subjugate your state or dare stand up to the Papal States?
no subject
[ with a little bit of a nod - trying to subjugate Iria. ] In fact, the Papal States even aided Iria in a war against the Union not all that long ago, effectively destroying the chance of receiving their aid. There are the Luccians, but they are a small force, and relatively isolated, and the common militia, which has been drastically weakened already after catastrophic losses at the Mine Pit, where many of them were based.
As it stands, Iria faces two choices: fall in line with the Papal States, or face another war, when they had only just begun to recover from the last.
[ medieval wars...are a bitch and a half.... he leans back a little, looking at the mirrors as they cycle through the early part of taair's memory again - the time in convallaria town, the warm sight of a place he misses dearly. ]
Miguel was right. It was selfish of me to think I could live any other life than the one my bloodline requires of me - and so, here I am. Seeking redemption to return.
no subject
I'm sorry. I know nobility is a prison as much as it is a privilege for many people. [ Man, he hates war. ] And there are never any easy choices.
I wish I had a magic spell that could tell me when the fight is worth it. I don't think you should resign yourself to the life of a puppet, but I can't tell you that dragging your people in a war is a better answer.
But I do know that you weren't being selfish... Or even if you were, what's wrong with that? Everyone deserves freedom.
no subject
I thought you might understand. [ claude is not the only one who has seen this exact memory, and the reactions have mostly been the same. taair, forget about them. taair, you should obviously get away. taair, iria doesn't matter, you should choose yourself.
but claude comes from a similar background, in some ways. to be a ruler, to be a noble, is to be not a person but a figure for your nation, too. ]
I don't disagree - everyone does, you're right. Myself, and... the people of my country, too. Iria has only been independent for fifteen years. To have achieved freedom is an accomplishment, and now they sit on the brink of colonization, once again.
[ ... ]
In all honesty, my life itself is mostly worthless. I don't think my death likely even changed anything. [ spoilers: it did not! ] But... if I choose not to return, it is just running away.
no subject
What do you think gives a life worth?
[ They can detour for a little bit. ]
no subject
Someone who can make a difference. Or someone who has. Be it a small one, even just affecting one person, or a large one - it doesn't matter the size.
no subject
Well, first, I don't agree with you. Personally, I think each life has worth and value inherently. You don't have to be someone or do something to have worth.
Wouldn't a lover of biographies like yourself find each story worthwhile, no matter how short or long? [ He lifts a brow, challenging. ]
But it's okay if your understanding is different than mine. Even then, do you think you haven't made a difference? Even in the short time you've been here, you helped heal, provided companionship, made me personally laugh.
Sounds like someone who made a difference to me.
no subject
... of course I do. [ a little shamed - of course he does, and he huffs, softly, looking down at the ground. it's just different, for him, obviously, though claude's point does land. taair looks over at him, a little hesitantly, a little scolded, and then eventually sighs, softly, and offers a rueful smile. ]
You've made your point. If I've made you laugh... [ a little lighter for himself, maybe for both of them - he curls a little inward on himself, but the smile's still there, still genuine. ] ...Forgive me. I think...there are many, many lessons I still must learn, and many things I still find myself trying to grasp hold of.
I think I am still learning how to exist as myself. Is that strange?
no subject
His expression does soften though. ]
No, not at all. Honestly, I struggle with the same thing. It's not really something I thought about before coming here.
no subject
One of those caveats of royalty, isn't it? [ that you are always something bigger than yourself. though, for taair - he also was just you know. in a tower. ]
Claude... you know, you've not yet told me much of your homeland. After all this time.
no subject
[ Wowee. What a time for the mirrors to start acting up.
Gives you a memory at 9pm on Sunday, I'm sorry. ]
no subject
the thing about nobility, about royalty, is that in every sense - somehow, someway, you end up trapped. if you are someone who doesn't fit into that system one way or another, you will be crushed under its wheel. for taair, it was the life of a pretty little songbird, a pet kept in a golden cage. and for claude...
for claude, it's the otherness - the chip on his shoulder, to have a right to simply exist. if taair was locked up and sheltered to the point of ridiculousness, then claude was left a target. it's a cruelty beyond cruelties, and it clearly taught him some fight.
the memory keeps going, and going, and when claude's older brother raises the axe high, high over his head, taair can't even help himself - he throws an arm out and half puts himself in front of the claude in standing next to him like he could protect that tiny child from the awful cruelty of difference, his breath catching in a full, sharp gasp. ]
-- Oh. [ oh, after a moment, because it is a memory, not the current moment. the adrenaline that squeezes hard loosens, a tiny bit, and he turns his head away from the mirrors to look back at claude now kind of behind him, surprised and then, searching his face, it turns to a frown. ]
... Awful - how awful.
no subject
He doesn't like Taair to see it, but he won't cry over it either, a reassurance that he grew up and go out on his tongue.
But he's struck in surprise when that hand shoots out, not having expected someone to try and protect him from a threat long gone.
He doesn't even know what to say. ]
It's... well, it's not alright. But I got out of there.
no subject
[ taair says with almost immediately in agreement, brows furrowing with an unusual amount of intensity, long lingering. claude was a child who had no say in where he was born or the place he was raised, and the amount of cruelty faced from adults and children alike makes even taair, gentle soul to his core, rankle a little. it's not all that surprising, is the worst thing. it's nobility. politics. prejudice. some things are always the same.
the memory starts again - and without even really thinking about it, he closes a hand around claude's good wrist and starts to pull him away from the walls, walking with a sense of determination to try and find the exit. does he actually know where he's going? probably not, but the last thing they need to do is stand in the wake of cruelty relived, over and over and over again.
... eventually, after they've walked a few paces, his voice softens. ]
... I'm glad that you got out. And... I know you will say that it doesn't matter, or that it made you stronger, but - even if it did, it shouldn't have happened to you at all.
no subject
He smiles a little. ]
I know. Trust me, I know. [ He does, but it's still sweet to hear it validated from others. That he didn't deserve that. That he should've received something better than what he did.
He'll free his hand so that he can settle it on Taair's shoulder, squeezing gently. ]
I'd never tolerate anything like that now.
no subject
[ he glances backwards - taair's brows are still knit together as the hand comes to his shoulders, but he exhales when it does, finally letting loose some of that immediate, instinctive protectiveness as the light at the end of the funhouse mirrors blinks through, the daylight shining into the darkened maze. ]
... you are a very strong person, but... just like you'd never tolerate it, I hope you know that you need not always fight for yourself unaided anymore, either.
[ to learn to survive like that is an impressive feat. to not crack under the pressure of hateful stares and assassination attempts, cruelties or pain takes a tremendous amount of independence, strength, and likely a spiteful streak a mile wide. to live when others didn't want you to. to still want better, too - he has not forgotten their early talks of dreams, no matter how difficult they were to achieve. ]