normally this would embarrass him - it startles him a little, because he's not expecting any company, and his head snaps up, wide eyed and vulnerable, but then as he's being shuffled around a little, he lets out a tiny half laugh, helplessly. ]
Claude...
[ but he will allow it. he can scoot right in if he wants to. ]
You're good company. [ he says, quietly - even though he knows it's just claude being claude, it does bring the faintest tug of humor to his face, and he looks out at the water again. ]
... You should take your own advice. [ mr let-me-hide-my-mara-struck-infection but there's nothing to it that's even remotely heat. ]
Would you believe me, if I said I've never had that before?
[ softly. you know, yeah, actually. he's so tired - it shows in his small smile, in the way he's actively pushing back the numbness that comes with duty, and with time. ]
Maybe you'll guide me, my dear friend. [ ... ] Unless, of course - you don't know, either.
[ it's been such a godawful long day, that the idea of two intelligent men who can surely figure it out, followed immediately by the blunt question - it makes him laugh?
it's this startled, tiny laugh, almost a giggle, and he ducks his head. ]
... I think this will be harder than either of us think.
[ but, despite it, the laughter is genuine, so maybe it's a sign he's on the right track. taair reaches up to wipe a tear from his eye, and looks out at the sea for a moment, finally starting to look a little more like taair. ]
For the first time in my life, I don't know that I know what to say.
[ He smiles when Taair starts laughing, turning away from the water just to share in his laughter a little.
If that's the only laugh he gets out of him tonight, he'll consider that a win. ]
Maybe I can start, then.
[ He doesn't mind, if it helps, though his voice is still mostly soft and thoughtful. ]
... Though it's kind of difficult. In my mind, I wonder what the point of talking about it even is. It's incredibly frustrating watching others suffer without being able to do anything about it, but talking about the fact that it's painful isn't really going to change anything.
[ he is still smiling a little when he settles again, and it helps. a tiny bit of lightness, a tiny bit of warmth - it eases the way, and he tucks the blanket a little closer around himself and just takes the chance to listen. ]
...No. [ softly, in agreement. ] No, it doesn't.
Action changes things. But... when you're trapped, what actions can you take? You sit with the sadness, instead, but... the more that we sit with it, the larger and larger it grows, until it becomes a harder burden to bear.
The only real remedy for grief is time. And... I've not even gotten to say goodbye to her, yet. [ a pause, as the mention comes back around to neverah - his shoulders shift, downwards, and he curls in a little further. ] Though... it hardly feels that way. She's been gone, now. Since Thursday, and I never even realized.
That's not your fault. We can hardly resist the magic that drives us to murder, much less the magic designed to be subtle enough that we can't notice anything awry.
[ He shakes his head. ]
But... I don't know. You're right. I don't think there is an easy remedy for grief. But there isn't a need to be.
You don't need to cure it, just make it easier to bear.
No - but it does not make it any less frustrating.
[ on both counts, in that regard. taair really gets mad or frustrated - even now, he just sounds more resigned than anything - but it is frustrating. to be blinkered, to not be able to see something coming when it hits you with a metaphorical train. ]
Mm. Like we talked about before. Looking up at the stars. Out at the horizon. [ a pause. he shifts a little bit closer, willingly, the physical contact more necessary than he really knows. ] Spend time with our friends, and share our burdens. That must be the secret to talking about it, don't you think?
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normally this would embarrass him - it startles him a little, because he's not expecting any company, and his head snaps up, wide eyed and vulnerable, but then as he's being shuffled around a little, he lets out a tiny half laugh, helplessly. ]
Claude...
[ but he will allow it. he can scoot right in if he wants to. ]
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Would you rather I left?
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I don't know if I will be good company. But, if you want to...
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[ This is a joke because he knows that he's lovely company. ]
You shouldn't be alone when you're in pain, anyway.
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... You should take your own advice. [ mr let-me-hide-my-mara-struck-infection but there's nothing to it that's even remotely heat. ]
Would you believe me, if I said I've never had that before?
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[ Between everything he knows about Taair specifically, and what he knows about people of their position in general. ]
Are you not sure what to do with the offer?
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[ softly. you know, yeah, actually. he's so tired - it shows in his small smile, in the way he's actively pushing back the numbness that comes with duty, and with time. ]
Maybe you'll guide me, my dear friend. [ ... ] Unless, of course - you don't know, either.
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[ lol
He hums, sighing softly as he looks out over the water. ]
Do you want to start talking?
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it's this startled, tiny laugh, almost a giggle, and he ducks his head. ]
... I think this will be harder than either of us think.
[ but, despite it, the laughter is genuine, so maybe it's a sign he's on the right track. taair reaches up to wipe a tear from his eye, and looks out at the sea for a moment, finally starting to look a little more like taair. ]
For the first time in my life, I don't know that I know what to say.
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If that's the only laugh he gets out of him tonight, he'll consider that a win. ]
Maybe I can start, then.
[ He doesn't mind, if it helps, though his voice is still mostly soft and thoughtful. ]
... Though it's kind of difficult. In my mind, I wonder what the point of talking about it even is. It's incredibly frustrating watching others suffer without being able to do anything about it, but talking about the fact that it's painful isn't really going to change anything.
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...No. [ softly, in agreement. ] No, it doesn't.
Action changes things. But... when you're trapped, what actions can you take? You sit with the sadness, instead, but... the more that we sit with it, the larger and larger it grows, until it becomes a harder burden to bear.
The only real remedy for grief is time. And... I've not even gotten to say goodbye to her, yet. [ a pause, as the mention comes back around to neverah - his shoulders shift, downwards, and he curls in a little further. ] Though... it hardly feels that way. She's been gone, now. Since Thursday, and I never even realized.
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[ He shakes his head. ]
But... I don't know. You're right. I don't think there is an easy remedy for grief. But there isn't a need to be.
You don't need to cure it, just make it easier to bear.
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[ on both counts, in that regard. taair really gets mad or frustrated - even now, he just sounds more resigned than anything - but it is frustrating. to be blinkered, to not be able to see something coming when it hits you with a metaphorical train. ]
Mm. Like we talked about before. Looking up at the stars. Out at the horizon. [ a pause. he shifts a little bit closer, willingly, the physical contact more necessary than he really knows. ] Spend time with our friends, and share our burdens. That must be the secret to talking about it, don't you think?
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[ ... ]
Or so I'm told. [ Hehe. He'll lean back against Taair. ] I'm sorry you're hurting, friend. I wish I could make it easier for you.